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I Would Give Anything to Go Back (EP)

by Brady Harding

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1.
Saudade 01:43
(Instrumental)
2.
I’ve learned what comes from a broken heart. The chance to learn, the chance to see in the dark. You leaving now is the hardest part I don’t want to be apart anymore. Yes, it’s difficult. I know. Why you’re putting yourself through this, I don’t know. Just give it a chance. Give it a chance to grow. Grow We lost each other in a desolate winter. It lasted six long months and she didn’t have it in her to stay. I know we made mistakes, but it came out to late. Yes, I know I made mistakes. I can fix them now. Trust me when I say that I can ignore all the problems we were having when we played on your floor. You’re the only person I could ever truly adore. Now you’re walking out the door. Just give it a chance. Give it a chance to grow. Grow I think It’d be easier if you just told me why I can’t be with you. …now
3.
Birches 03:29
I can’t think of things like a cottage, or like a getaway. I’ll be honest because I don’t think I think the way that I used to. I don’t think I think the way that you do. My eyes are tired and they are closing from dirty habits I’m now exposing. I just wish I could get out of here. I just wish I could get out. Every day I struggle with the best and worst of me. In the face of doubt I find that everything is where it should be. It’s just me inside my head. It’s just me. I won’t admit that I’m dead. Now I think of things, and how they played out. Why it came to this. Why did I take this risk. This is the way I thought a good book turned out. This is a book with the pages missing. What’s it about. There’s no finale. There is no closure. I feel this darkness. “It”, getting closer. I just wish I could get out of here. I just wish I could get out. Every day I struggle with the best and worst of me. In the face of doubt I find that everything is where it should be. It’s just me inside my head. It’s just me. I won’t admit that I’m dead. I am dead.
4.
You came to me in a summer breeze. And so, I sat up straight and let “you” show me “yourself”. And now, I can’t forget. You sitting there, sitting by the fire. My lips burning up with a desire. I made a fool of myself. Disgusting words that I spoke. I laughed and I joked at the fact that I could be with you lying next to me. I don’t want this consummation, I just need some concentration. I need some hope to be your conversation holder. You turned out to be my true love. You left as quick as you came. I feel all the guilt, I feel all the shame for what you didn’t get. It keeps me up in the night. I toss and I fight. I’d die just to feel alright again. I gag and I choke. I cry and I smoke. The letter that you wrote to me, in hand. You told me… I could to better. We’re not good together. Not birds of a feather. You told me… There’s no hope to be your conversation holder. You turned out to be my true love. You sitting there, sitting by the fire. Are you sure you’re putting out the fire?
5.
Rye & Ginger 06:00
Do you still drink rye and ginger, gingerly breaking my heart. Finding your place in the dark, to everything that I loved when I was a kid. I swear to god that I’ll never truly get over it. I used to drink for the company and pleasure. Now… I drink for good goddamn measure that I don’t see your face like I used to see it. I don’t see your face like I just need “it”. I need your body and soul, I need you completely whole. I need you bad like the bottle in the middle of the night, when I wonder why I didn’t put up a better fight. I just want to know the person that I knew. Goddamn I just want to know… Do you still drink rye and ginger, gingerly breaking my heart. Finding Your place in the dark, to everything that I loved when I was a kid. I swear to god that I’ll never truly get over it. Did I really make you that fucking miserable. Was everything that I did that unforgivable. The word I learned to late is “unconditional”. There’s a message in paint upon your bedroom wall. Pills aren’t working. No more. My body’s beaten and sore. I need you bad like the bottle in the middle of the night, when I wonder why I didn’t put up a better fight. I just want to know the person that I knew. Goddamn I just want to know… Do you still drink rye and ginger, gingerly breaking my heart. Finding Your place in the dark, to everything that I loved when I was a kid. I swear to god that I’ll never truly get over it. Let me down easy. Now I’m just trying to figure out how I’m still in love with someone I don’t know.
6.
I’ll always remember the las night that I held you. I was broken and tired, living void of you. My fingertips are numb. I’ve got no more air in my lungs. Two breaths from passing out, I drove to you. It’s 2am. I just needed to. You’re angry and tired. You don’t want me there. As you fall asleep, I just watch you and stroke your hair for the last time. One of us wants it and one of us doesn’t. If I could have fixed it, then I would have done it. I still would. “This is too hard”, she says, out of strength. “This is too hard”, she says. Now I think… This is the hardest thing I’ll ever do. Lord knows, I don’t want to do it. I am forced to go through it. I’m pacing and spinning while lost in the misdirect. I don’t eat in the morning. I am sick. My fingertips are numb. I’ve got no more air in my lungs. Two weeks. No going out. I think of you. I can’t sleep. I just dream of you. I remember a time when you belonged there. In a couple of weeks, I will see you. I will stare for the last time. Oncoming traffic, headlights, then it hits. I see your face, then I swerve, then the accident. “This is your fault”, They said. Lose my strength. “This is your fault”, They said. I can’t think. This is the hardest thing I’ll ever do. Lord knows, I don’t want to do it. I am forced to go through it. Think of our time. Filling your heart. You, filling mine. I’ve lost my strength, lost my mind. I’ve lost my will to survive. Think of the way that I’ll always feel. Think of my accident. Think of the windshield. … I wish I went through it.

credits

released October 11, 2015

Produced by Brady Harding
Engineered, Mixed & Mastered by Dylan Frankland
Recorded at Pebble Studios

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Brady Harding Toronto, Ontario

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